It gives me no pleasure to say it….

…. but a number of the single mothers I’ve encountered in my lifetime are, in my opinion, damaged goods as far as being people is concerned. And I’m even sorrier to say that I have a couple of them in my extended family (two maternal cousins), and even they are not immune from this opinion.

Not that I would ever suggest that unhappy couples must stay together for the sake of their children, mind you, nor can I claim to know how hard it must be for women to raise children on their own. But speaking from recent personal experience, it seems some single mums are only too quick to do the following:

1. Consider themselves superior, in terms of maturity and morality, to ALL men;

2. Expect everyone – and I mean EVERYONE – to change their ways to keep them happy;

3. Frown upon certain behaviours by other people, then turn around and engage in similar behaviour themselves;

4. Raise their children to despise – or outright hate – their fathers; and

5. Think the world owes them something.

So that’s something I’m keeping in the back of my mind as far as potential female partners go. And though I wouldn’t consider myself a paternal person at this point in time, I’d prefer if any children who came into such a relationship were my own.

Whatever happened to the good old Prodigy I used to love?

My very favourite musical group in the mid to late 1990s was The Prodigy, and for several good reasons:

1. They had a fresh, unique sound that no other dance/electronica group could duplicate at the time;

2. Liam Howlett (their main instrumentalist) would never consciously commercialise that sound to appease the bigwigs at XL Recordings; and

3. Those basslines. Need I say more?

Even now, many years after their initial releases, The Prodigy Experience and Music For The Jilted Generation still sound as fresh and as relevant as they did back then.

But with the release of The Fat Of The Land, things for the group would begin to change. Although I still liked the album, I just felt that Liam and the boys were trying to be too many things to too many people, and as a result, their music became more commercial without them even realising it at first.

Of course, once Liam DID realise how mainstream the music had become, he made the bold decision to release the controversial Smack My Bitch Up as the third single, and I can sure as hell respect that. And no, I don’t consider the song to be a purveyor of violent, misogynistic attitudes either.

It was all downhill for me after that, though; in 2000, Leeroy Thornhill – the tall dancer and VERY occasional live keyboard player – left the group. And although I rather liked it, their 2002 EP - Baby’s Got A Temper – was shunned for appearing to promote Rohypnol (a “date rape” drug), and it failed to make an impact on any charts.

So when Always Outnumbered, Never Outgunned came out in 2004, I’d expected it to sound more commercial in some places, and more indulgent in others. And I was right.

Sure, I haven’t heard the album in its entirety, but I’ve heard enough to make an informed opinion, and quite frankly, I HATED it. It seems that so many other artists have cannibalised The Prodigy’s sounds and techniques over the years that it’s now become impossible to produce something as unique as those first two albums (Experience and MFTJG).

And the less said about The Way It Is – practically a cover/remix of Michael Jackson’s Thriller – the better, except to say that it sounded suspiciously like an “up yours” to the fans who didn’t want The Prodigy to change too much, too soon. Fans such as myself, that is.

Of course, an A-sides compilation – Their Law – came out in 2005, and while that was all well and good, it wasn’t as definitive as I would’ve liked. But when Experience and MFTJG were reissued a couple of months ago, complete with second discs in each case, it got my attention.

I must confess: when I first heard the new 2005 Live Edit of the classic Break & Enter, it blew my mind. I now feel that the freshness and the energy The Prodigy had in their formative years can return.

That is, of course, unless Liam decides to bin his newer material and go down another path. Hell, there’d be blood on the streets if he ever went down the minimalist path, just as acts such as The Chemical Brothers and Planetfunk have done in recent times.

All the same, the new version of Break & Enter renewed my interest in the group, and led me to create – with assistance from LimeWire and YouTube – a definitive collection of The Prodigy’s work spanning from 1990 to 1995 for my own listening pleasure. Here’s the track listing:

DISC 1
What Evil Lurks
We Gonna Rock
Android
Everybody In The Place (Original Mix)
Charly (Alley Cat Edit)
Charly (Alley Cat Mix)
Charly (Original Mix)
Pandemonium
Everybody In The Place (Fairground Edit)
Everybody In The Place (Fairground Mix)
Your Love (Original Mix)
G-Force (Energy Flow)
Fire (Burning Edit)
Fire (Burning Mix)
Crazy Man
Rip Up The Sound System

DISC 2
Out Of Space (Edit)
Out Of Space (Techno Underworld Mix)
Jericho (Genaside II Mix)
Ruff In The Jungle Bizness (Uplifting Vibes Mix)
Wind It Up (Rewound Edit)
Wind It Up (Rewound Mix)
Music Reach (1,2,3,4) (Live)
We Are The Ruffest
One Love (Edit)
One Love (Jonny L Mix)
Weather Experience (Top Buzz Mix)
Rhythm Of Life 

DISC 3
No Good (Start The Dance) (Edit)
No Good (Start The Dance) (Bad For You Mix)
No Good (Start The Dance) (CJ Bolland Mix)
Full Throttle
Voodoo People (Edit)
Voodoo People (Haiti Island Mix)
Voodoo People (Chemical Brothers Mix)
Goa (The Heat The Energy Part 2)
Poison (1995 EQ)
Poison (Environmental Science Mix)
Rat Poison
Scienide

DISC 4 (THE PRODIGY EXPERIENCE)
Jericho (Original Mix)
Music Reach (1,2,3,4)
Wind It Up (Original Mix)
Your Love (LP Mix)
Hyperspeed (G-Force Energy Flow Part 2)
Charly (Trip Into Drum And Bass Mix)
Out Of Space (Original Mix)
Everybody In The Place (155 And Rising Mix)
Weather Experience (Original Mix)
Fire (Sunrise Mix)
Ruff In The Jungle Bizness (Original Mix)
Death Of The Prodigy Dancers (Live)

DISC 5 (MUSIC FOR THE JILTED GENERATION)
Intro
Break & Enter
Their Law (Featuring Pop Will Eat Itself)
Voodoo People (Original Mix)
Speedway (Theme From Fastlane)
The Heat (The Energy)
Poison (LP Mix)
No Good (Start The Dance) (Original Mix)
One Love (Original Mix)
3 Kilos (The Narcotic Suite Part 1)
Skylined (The Narcotic Suite Part 2)
Claustrophobic Sting (The Narcotic Suite Part 3)

Now try finding a fan of The Prodigy who’d pass up a collection like that. Hell, if Liam and the gang ever released a set like this, I’d be all over it like a rash, and if Liam ever sees this, I hope he takes this idea on board.

A Tale Of Two Strip Clubs, The Conclusion

When Sapphire exhaled on me on a night in July this year at The Palace, I could’ve sworn she had nicotine on her breath. So when the dance went ahead, I had to ask her if she smoked, and when she nodded in response, my own reply was as follows: “Then I’m sorry, Sapphire, but after tonight, I won’t be having you again.”

There was no anger either way, and she still spoke to me afterwards. Yet as I’d given my word that I’d have her on that particular night, I allowed her to finish the dance while explaining my tastes and my reasoning.

And not too long ago, one of the five remaining girls in my rotation at The Palace – Sienna – actually turned me down to my face, on account of a high-paying regular instead of any misbehaviour on my part. Unlike at the Horse in the past, though, I wasn’t going to let it rule me; instead, I made it work for me, and I was able to have Sienna next time. Of course, whenever I have Sienna now, I double up on her, and I buy her a beverage as well.

Speaking of the Horse, I only go there every 3 or 4 weeks now, but I double up on Ariel when I’m there. And I suspect that Ariel will be there for about one more year, though I’d welcome it if she ever jumped ship to The Palace, simply because that particular act would complete the transition for me.

Now it’s time to wrap up this series of blogs with some advice for any other potential customers:

1. Try not to get attached to the girls. I know it’s hard, especially if you have an affliction such as Asperger Syndrome (as I do), but their main focus is to get your money;

2. Don’t be happy to just take any girl you can get your hands on, so to speak. By compromising on your own tastes, you’re lying to yourself;

3. Don’t ever mistake the business relationship for a personal one. Sure, you may become friendly with your regular girls over time, but unless you have a service to offer them, your chances of seeing them on the outside are almost zero;

4. Look, smell, and feel your best on every visit. Dancers will be naturally drawn to customers who take pride in their appearance, have good personal hygiene, and are genuinely positive and well-behaved; and

5. Most importantly, have fun!

So that ought to do it, and it’s back to the one-shot blogs from next time onwards.

A Tale Of Two Strip Clubs, Part 11

It was January 2008, and I’d been a member at The Palace for about one month at this stage. Also, when Brianna took some time off to feature at Showbar 140 in Mackay, I thought at first that it would be a temporary arrangement.

Though upon her return to The Palace at the end of February – just in time for the Clipsal 500, which is traditionally the busiest time of the year for strip clubs in Adelaide – she gave me the news I was dreading: she would make a permanent move north.

Brianna would spend several more weeks at Showbar 140, then she would move to Darwin, eventually leaving the industry and finding new work. This time, though, I was able to do what I couldn’t do to Claudia: I farewelled her, thanking her for everything she did for me over the preceding 5 years.

Once that happened, I began to “play the field” a bit more at The Palace. I’d given a number of women a go up until that point, but I’d never had the same girls from one visit to the next like I used to do (and still do with Ariel) at the Horse.

My financial situation had changed again by this time, forcing me to limit myself to two or three dances at The Palace per visit. So I soon settled on a rotation of half a dozen ladies: Sapphire, Amy, Ivy, Jagger, Rose and Sienna.

And back at the Horse, things were continuing to change. Morgan Sommers was now long gone, Georgia Jaimes wasn’t in as often, and Ashlee Adams would also quit. But before Ashlee’s departure, she attempted to rile me up – i.e. asking me if I liked her new piercing – and despite saying no, I didn’t bite in the way she’d hoped. Hell, if I had, I’d be barred from the Horse and have an AVO (Apprehended Violence Order) filed against me, and even as I type this, there’s a real chance that Ashlee may return to the Horse as a feature, to coincide with her Penthouse photo shoot.

Also, since Claudia’s departure, I’ve been making a point of ringing the Horse before every visit, just to make sure Ariel’s on that night. And even then – as I discovered one night – there are still no guarantees.

Yet at The Palace so far, any issues I’ve had were relatively minor and easy to fix on the next visit. And thanks to Ariel’s assistance and strategies over the last 5 years, I’ve become more assertive and tactful in dealing with those, such as when I had to drop Sapphire from my rotation when I discovered she was a smoker….

TO BE CONCLUDED….

A Tale Of Two Strip Clubs, Part 10

By July 2007, I was finding my rhythm at The Palace (with help from Brianna, naturally), and I was seriously rethinking my future at the Crazy Horse. In light of the bad stuff that had occurred at the Horse (much of it self-inflicted, some not), my mindset changed: if Ariel and Claudia weren’t at the Horse on a given night, I didn’t want to be there either.

I then made an unorthodox move, joining a forum called Stripper Web. Being a customer, though, I was fair game from the outset, and when I made a post about the kind of ladies I want for dances, it got the attention of a Stripper Web moderator who happened to work at the Horse: Ashlee Adams.

She didn’t hesitate to lecture me about how the girls “had lives outside the club” and say “you can’t dictate what these girls can and can’t do to their bodies”. And when I posted about and tried to contact another member – would-be porn star Yasmin Taylor – Ashlee practically accused me of stalking Yasmin.

But ironically, it was actually another person who had my privileges revoked. Another moderator took exception to a joke I made at my own expense, and I couldn’t convince her that she’d taken it the wrong way, leading to a massive misunderstanding.

And the following month, when Darrin Hyde responded to a MySpace blog of my own, Ashlee used his blog to attack me not once, but twice. I let the first one go, but I couldn’t ignore the second; I suggested that she take it to MY blog instead, but that didn’t happen.

So now I seemed to have another nemesis; one who represented everything that was now wrong with the club and the industry as a whole, and one who – in my view at least – just couldn’t cut it at club level.

Over the next few months, though, another issue arose: Claudia – who was tiring of the business in general – wanted out as soon as possible, and in December 2007, she got out. Though it didn’t happen the way she had planned: her other employers found out about her work at the Horse, causing them to put their collective foot down, and denying me the chance to farewell her properly.

Out of my favourites, only Ariel was left at the Horse now, and my fate was now sealed: I would not renew my membership for a fourth year, and once Ariel decided to leave, I would as well.

And over at The Palace, a more unexpected departure was about to occur….

TO BE CONTINUED….

A Tale Of Two Strip Clubs, Part 9

By May 2007, I was down to three regular girls at the Crazy Horse. I’d also decided that I would attend no more pageants, and in an attempt to purge a few unhealthy fixations and memories, I’d destroyed and discarded my Miss Nude Australia tapes.

And when I saw Brianna getting back into her car as I arrived at the Horse on a night in May, I suspected something else wasn’t right. Sure enough, one of the other girls told me that Brianna had actually stormed out of the club and was going home, though I wasn’t given any other details at that point.

But the following month, Ariel dropped the big bombshell on me: Brianna had quit. This was followed later on by another revelation by Gail – the other house mother at the Horse - that Brianna had gone to The Palace. The fact that Gail was the one who told me this was quite ironic, considering she never really warmed to me in the past.

Since I had no intention of turning my back on Brianna, I visited that particular club for the first time later that month, and I have not regretted it for one moment. Several former Crazy Horse girls had already made the jump, and from what I saw, they enjoyed The Palace much more.

I too found it most enjoyable, especially in terms of the much more intimate and private environment in which the dances were performed, and the girls had more freedom to perform in terms of music choices and costumes. There were no tyrants to dictate what music could and could not be used, or to insist that the costumes be big, flamboyant and expensive.

Also, Brianna was more than happy to see me there, and she informed me that she fell out with the management at the Horse, hence her presence at The Palace.

Over time, I would also receive a lot more for which to thank her. For instance: I would find that the standard of ladies was generally superior (with all due respect to Ariel and Claudia, since they were still great); the atmosphere was more positive; the customers were more respectable; and the Megastrip was a sight to behold.

With all that in mind, I knew that I was going to have a great future at The Palace. It would give me the perfect opportunity to make a fresh start, without repeating the errors I’d made at the Horse.

However, thanks to another Horse girl, these errors would come back to bite me again….

TO BE CONTINUED….

A Tale Of Two Strip Clubs, Part 8

When Georgia Jaimes told me in January 2007 that she was planning to get a labret (i.e. a lower lip piercing), my first words were “Over my dead body”. Even though she thought I was kidding at the time, I most definitely wasn’t, and when the subject was raised again a couple of weeks later, I told her point blank: “If you do this, I WILL cut you off.”

Although she told me that she’d take me – and the continued business relationship – into consideration, I knew her mind was already made up. But oddly enough, this didn’t stop her from signing a birthday card that Ariel had got for me, and it was also signed by Brianna, Claudia and Victoria. Which goes to show that informing the ladies that you plan to come in on your birthday (February 6th, in my case) can have its privileges.

Yet another girl – Dee – didn’t seem to care about that fact. I tried to start a conversation with her before her show, and when I mentioned that I was having one of my best birthdays ever, her reply was “Yeah, that’s nice” in an almost sarcastic manner. And considering that Dee is also pierced downstairs, I can only trace her reluctance to talk to me that night – and her subsequent failure to even acknowledge me on all future visits – to one thing: the Morgan Sommers incident.

Then in April 2007, Georgia went ahead with the dreaded labret, but instead of openly criticising her for it, I just watched her stage show and left. I’d done the complete opposite of what I did with Morgan, but some of the other girls – in particular, a certain Ashlee Adams (though I wouldn’t hear her views until months later) - still didn’t think too highly of my actions.

In my view, both Morgan and Georgia had dropped the ball, and the newer girls coming into the Crazy Horse just didn’t do much for me. The place was going to hell in a handbasket, and when I read a number of MySpace blogs prepared by Darrin Hyde – one of the club’s DJs – I discovered that I wasn’t alone in thinking that.

Customer and member numbers appeared to be falling, certain customers weren’t liking what they saw (to the point of open heckling in some cases), and the new manager at the time – Salvatore – was rubbing a lot of people up the wrong way.

But for me, an even bigger bombshell was about to be dropped…. a bombshell that would change my strip clubbing practices forever….

TO BE CONTINUED….

A Tale Of Two Strip Clubs, Part 7

“Oh no…. oh no. Why…. WHY?”

That was my initial response to Morgan Sommers now having a piercing downstairs. And her initial response was laughter, as she didn’t think I’d have such a serious problem with it.

Yes, I know it’s her body, and what she does with it isn’t up to me. However, it doesn’t mean that I have to just take it and like it, which – judging by her saying “you’ll get used to it” and urging me to relax – she seemed to want me to do. So after saying my piece, I opted to cut the dance short.

Since I hadn’t conducted myself as well as I would in a similar situation now, the incident became a big black mark against my name. On my very next visit in August 2006, Sticky Nicky – who was no more than two metres from me when the Morgan incident occurred – spoke to me aggressively when I inadvertently sat in a position she was holding for a regular customer. After this, she would never speak to me again.

In the course of the next few visits, a number of other girls stopped approaching me altogether, but luckily, Ariel, Brianna and Georgia were not amongst these. Not that there were as many girls to snub me at that point, since throughout 2006, 2007 and this year, many popular and talented girls have quit the Horse in quick succession (I’ll get to that later).

Hell, I even made a grievous error with house mother Marie during one of my two Miss Nude Australia pageant visits: I accused her of blowing cigarette smoke in my face, even though it actually went downwards and happened to rise. Needless to say, a good deal of damage control was required in that scenario as well.

And by October, I was seeking to clear the air with Morgan and make her a nutty offer (i.e. more money per dance if she ditched the piercing), but another Land Of Promise encounter led to another snub by Morgan at the Crazy Horse.

So in November, I spoke to Rob about the situation, and he confirmed what I’d come to suspect: a number of girls were indeed uncomfortable around me, on account of my less than exemplary behaviour in the past. And upon hearing that my nutty offer would only have the opposite effect, I decided to let go of Morgan for good.

In December, I chose Claudia to take that fourth spot, but in January 2007, Georgia began talking about something that would definitely end things between her and I….

TO BE CONTINUED….

A Tale Of Two Strip Clubs, Part 6

February 2006 was the beginning of the Crazy Horse’s downward spiral (for me, anyway). After the peak of two weeks before, I arrived at the club on a night in February to be greeted by terrible news: Ariel – without whom I wouldn’t have lasted as long at the Horse as I have – had quit, seemingly for good.

Even though Brianna would assume Ariel’s mantle as my number one girl at the Horse, and I still had Georgia, Morgan and others, Ariel was still irreplaceable in my book. So I’m not ashamed to admit that after I got home, I cried myself to sleep.

The next four months, on the other hand, passed quite smoothly in terms of my Horse visits. Brianna went away for several weeks during this time, but this was on account of a breast augmentation, so seeing her again – and my good natured jokes about her surgery - were well worth the wait.

In addition to this, I was pleasantly surprised to find that Claudia Fox – after her 18-month absence – had returned to the Horse in May. She would eventually play a much larger part in my fun at the club later on, but more on that in a later entry.

I was also surprised to find that Brianna had entered the Miss Nude SA pageant at the end of June, and delighted when she won the whole thing. But on the flip side, I was anything but delighted when I saw Morgan smoking again, and considering she didn’t exactly welcome my congratulations when I thought she’d given it up, I wouldn’t dare to say anything about it this time.

Moving forward to July, I received great news from the manager – Yvonne – on my first visit of the month: Ariel had returned after a 5-month hiatus. Even though Ariel wasn’t in that night, I was keen to see her again as soon as I could, so I made the unusual choice of visiting on a Monday – July 24th, 2006 – and the gamble paid off.

To say that particular night was a mixed bag would be a tremendous understatement. It was great – and I was grateful – to have Ariel back, and it seemed she was in it for the long haul this time. However, nothing could prepare me for what would happen between Morgan and myself during the dance later on. More specifically, the vertical clitoral hood piercing that Morgan now had, and my reaction to it would lead to even greater damage to my reputation….

TO BE CONTINUED….

A Tale Of Two Strip Clubs, Part 5

We move forward to June 2005 now, and when I heard that little Ariel was entering the Miss Nude South Australia pageant, it gave me the perfect excuse to experience such a pageant up close and personal for the first time.

Naturally, I was impressed by her performance; in fact, it was probably the best set I’d ever seen her perform at that point. However, I was miffed that she didn’t even get a wildcard to the Miss Nude Australia pageant that would be held two months later.

Before this could occur, though, the business relationship between myself and Brianna would hit a rough patch. On a visit in early August 2005, I noticed her making more contact with someone else than she did with me, yet the dance lasted just as long. This left me quite perplexed, so I approached her and asked why this was the case; the only answer I received was a shrug of the shoulders and an odd look.

Then, when I was about to leave, I committed a second cardinal sin: I touched her shoulders from behind to get her attention. When she raised her right hand to touch mine and looked at me, I realised that I’d inadvertently frightened her, and her behaviour toward me at the Miss Nude Australia final confirmed this further.

Although Brianna told me she’d have me on that night, it didn’t happen. She attempted to cover for it by telling me that she’d forgotten about me, but as soon as the pageant was over, Brianna deliberately chose to stick with another customer.

Knowing that I’d receive no immediate assistance from anyone else in the matter, I left the club in a foul mood that night, and it would be about 2 months before Brianna even acknowledged me again. And even then, I needed help from Ariel and house mother Marie to make that happen.

When it did, I apologised, saying that I never meant to intimidate Brianna or act like a completely different person. I left it up to her as to whether or not she’d have me again, and later that night, she took me back.

After that, we had no further problems, and going into January 2006, it looked like things would get even better. Morgan had stopped smoking, and I was finally able to score that elusive grand slam – Ariel, Brianna, Georgia and Morgan in one night – once more.

January 19th 2006 was my best night ever at the Horse, but the elation would be short lived….

TO BE CONTINUED….